Sometimes, the scripts we write as we dream about the lives each of our loved ones will have don’t quite play out the way we wrote them. When my husband and I got married almost 40 years ago, I knew that he was not exactly the person my parents thought I would marry. His ethnic background was different from mine, and he was an educator, which meant we would never have a very lucrative income or as easy a life as my parents had hoped for me. I would be a working wife and mother, and there would be more demands on me than I’m sure they had imagined. Even though he wasn’t who my parents pictured for me through all those years they raised me, cared for me, and dreamed for me, he turned out to be more beloved by my parents and family than anyone could have ever imagined. His character, loyalty, dignity, and work ethic became so endearing to my parents that he truly became a cherished person in their lives, and one on whom they know they can rely.
Having lived through that, you’d think I would see this coming when Kelly brought Josh home to meet us for the first time. All I knew about Josh before meeting him in person was that he was really into fitness and bodybuilding, and lived alone with two dogs. Our first encounters felt awkward yet friendly. Josh obviously cared for my daughter and was already protective of her. I learned he had had a difficult early life, with a significant medical diagnosis, and he spoke about family in very different ways than I could relate to. He loved talking about movies with my son, and seemed to have simple tastes and humble aspirations. With Josh, there were really no pretenses or exaggerations, so I doubted we would have all that much trouble getting to know him.
I remember the day when Kelly told me that she didn’t know yet where their relationship was heading, but she did know that, if she ended up in a serious relationship with Josh or did end up marrying him, he would always understand her debilitating migraines, and never tell her to “just take a pill and get over it.” It takes a special person to accept, understand, and love another through a chronic health condition, and Kelly knew that Josh would stand strong in that part of her life. They would probably struggle to be financially stable, but she felt she could accept that. Eventually, two of the most loving, empathetic, respectful, and loyal people I know got engaged at Disney World, because they are also just two big kids who find joy in the simple and wholesome parts of life.
A rainy engagement at Disney World in 2014.
Once they were married, they bought a modest home, and both of their careers took some twists and turns, as they navigated both the demands of different jobs and their salaries. In the midst of this, Josh was diagnosed with autism, and soon thereafter their beautiful and wonderful little baby girl was born. The worry and stress they both were dealing with, on top of everything else, ended up bringing them to move in with us, so that they could be surrounded by love, support, and acceptance for as long as they needed.
As an educator, I can’t say that the autism spectrum disorder was a surprise to me, nor did I really find it worrisome. I just knew that a different path would be walked, and that we would be there to love and support Kelly, Josh, and their family. I have taught scores of students “on the spectrum,” and though each has been unique, each has also found his/her way into my heart. I love seeing them whenever our paths cross, and hearing of their accomplishments in life. Now this would all just become a little more personal, a little more intimate. But I knew our big family was up to the task.
Have there been awkward moments? Sure. Have there been break-downs in communication? Of course. Has there ever once been a situation we couldn’t navigate or remedy? No, and I can’t even imagine that happening. Josh loves my daughter and my granddaughter. In today’s world, that is all I could ask for.
(Josh's note: I love Kelly's whole family, too!)
Unexpected definitely - but that doesn’t equate to inferior, broken, or undesirable. It just means that my vision - the script I wrote - was limited to what I had known, experienced, or dreamed about. All I see now is what a great husband and father Josh is, because nothing gets in the way of his love, no personal agenda hijacks his devotion to his family, and no concerns about the most meaningless but often consuming details of life in the US get in the way. He is a treasured and beloved member of our family. There is nothing wrong with a life that goes off script when it comes with a “happily ever after.”
-Kelly's mom
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